Are You Mom Enough™?
In response to the cover story in the May 21 issue of Time magazine (“Are you mom enough?”), we felt compelled to speak out on what it means to be Mom Enough™. The Time article focuses on four mothers who follow the practice of so-called “Attachment Parenting.” This is a topic we have written and spoken on for years, drawing on decades of rigorous research on how secure attachment develops between parent and child and how the quality of attachment influences the child’s life-long development. It’s important for mothers to know they do not have to follow specific parenting styles often adopted and promoted by advocates of “attachment parenting” (e.g. co-sleeping or prolonged breastfeeding) in order to build a secure attachment with their child — in other words, in order to be “mom enough.” Yes, sensitive responding to baby’s cues, reliable comfort at times of distress and non-forceful approaches to discipline as the child gets older are very important to the formation of optimal parent-child relationships and to healthy child development. But as many studies have demonstrated, secure attachments can develop whether or not mom works outside the home, co-sleeps with the baby or feeds by breast or bottle. Parents need reassurance that there are many ways to be “mom enough” and “dad enough” (yes, dads count too!) as long as the child experiences the essentials of love, sensitive care and emotional security.
For evidence-based information on what it means to be mom enough and what it takes to develop a secure attachment with your child, please see the following resources on our website:
Separating Fact from Fiction about Parent‐Child Attachment (handout)
Stuck on You: What You Need to Know about Attachment and Your Child’s Development (5/16/11 webcast)
Looking Back, Moving Forward: Being the Parent You Want to Be, Whatever Your History (2/21/11 webcast)
Watch KARE Today tomorrow, Friday, May 11, 11AM to noon, to see Marti discuss this important issue!
If you wish to interview Marti or Erin, please contact our Director of Marketing and Communications, Stacy Downs, stacy@momenough.com.
Jenny on May 10, 2012
Thank you so much for your response to this! I practiced some things that are considered attachment parenting (nursing for 1.5 years, co-sleeping, baby-wearing), but not all of them. Sometimes I felt guilty when I talked about my parenting with my AP friends, like I wasn’t doing a good enough job. I really appreciate that you provide a well-rounded approach to this issue and I feel reassured that I am Mom Enough!
Doula Jen on May 10, 2012
I found the pictures from the Time article to be wonderfully fierce and provacative, however, as a postpartum doula who supports a very wide range of parenting styles and paths to attachment, I believe that any mother who is true to their self, their baby, their comfort level, and their instincts is more than enough. We are so hard on ourselves and eachother, when we should be offering praise and congrats for being MORE than enough.
Jon on May 10, 2012
Thanks for your post. My wife couldn’t breast feed and she felt terrible about it. Our kids are doing great and it’s nice to see people out there, like you guys, who are promoting more positive messages. Not that there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding, she would have loved to have been able to do that, but not everyone can do everything the same way. Wish more people could see that!
Erin R on May 11, 2012
As I have been reading various stories and opinions about the TIME magazine cover, I am struck by how passionate, people can get on these issues.
And I remember, as a breast-feeding mom, how all those voices can create quite a confusing cacophony.
Plus, the very REAL challenges of putting into practice some of the guidelines. It is hard!
And that is why I am SO very happy and grateful to have Marti and Erin standing up for moms, and giving voice to these many conflictions.
They create a a sane, safe place to explore these issues, they help women sort through their own priorities as moms, and encouragement all moms to be informed and feel empowered to what is right for them and their families.
What a welcome relief! Thanks Marti and Erin!
Beth on May 11, 2012
I am so glad that Mom Enough has addressed this issue! As a mom who was not able to breastfeed her child, everytime I see this type of media the exhaustive feeling of guilt returns – even 5 years later! I appreciate the confirmation that I DID create a secure attachment with my child by responding, loving, and caring for my child – THANKS Marti and Erin!
Beth on May 11, 2012
Thank you Marti and Erin for supporting all moms, in whichever way they chose to parent. We are all doing our best to be our idea of mom enough and need to support each other in getting there. Every family (and child for that matter) is so unique, it can take different types of parenting even within one family to achieve balance-and that to me is the key! Thanks again for providing moms with the information, support and perspective that you do!