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Minimizing Harm When Parents Separate: Part 2 of “When Your Marriage Is Not What You Want It to Be

When a couple decides to separate or begin divorce proceedings, it’s a heartache not only for the couple but for many people close to them. And sadly, children often hurt the most. But this week’s Mom Enough guest, collaborative attorney Ron Ousky, has devoted his career to helping couples find options that minimize harm for everyone involved, especially children. He also knows that beginning divorce proceedings doesn’t always mean completing them; he keeps choices on the table. Marti & Erin have experienced firsthand Ron Ousky’s thoughtful approach and they are eager for you to learn from Ron’s wisdom and from their own family experience. This important discussion is the second of a special 2-part series brought to you by DivorceChoice.com, a supporting partner of Mom Enough.

 

What did you hear in this Mom Enough discussion about collaborative divorce that was surprising or thought-provoking? What are some steps divorcing couples (or other family members or friends) can take to help children stay strong even through something as difficult as divorce? Share your thoughts in the REPLY space below!

 

For the handouts & informational sheets mentioned, click here.

For Ron’s interview about collaborative divorce, click here.

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  1. Julie on December 11, 2012

    My husband and I have been together for 22 years and married for 14. We have grown apart in many ways and we barely see him as he works long hours. We basically see him on the weekends. I ended up cheating on him (people think he had cheated in me for years before I ever did)….then 3 months after I did it, he got on an online dating service and cheated himself. It was horrific on our emotions to say the least. We went to marriage counseling, but our anger was so deep at that time, we concluded divorce was the answer, through procrastination, we are still somewhat together. I am leaving him this week and moving into a 3 bedroom townhome with my children. I can not afford our big house and he would not move out, so I had to do something so the kids would not see us fight. This move will either make us miss each other and bring us back together or we will realize that life is much less stressful without the other in our life and divorce will happen. We still love each other, but through life changes, having 3 kids ages 5, 9 and 11 and our own personality and interest change…we have grown apart. It is sad, but it happens.

    I can say though, through it all, we have grown a new respect for one another and we can communicate with much less fighting. My husband is in tears that I am leaving now. The woman he found on the internet lied to him constantly and slept with several men. He found out his angel of a woman was more like the devil. The man I was with was a long time friend and someone I grew up by. We had never imagined in a million years that we would fall in love, but we did. He is a genuinely kind man and feels bad for my husband also. He never meant to fall in love with me, he was just helping me as a friend. My mother was dying and my husband was never around to help watch the kids so I could visit her (she was a mile away). The kids made her nervous, so she did not want them in the nursing home. If it would not have been for this friend of mine, I don’t know how I would of gotten through the pain of losing my mother and watching her die a slow and agonizing way.

    I don’t live in a fantasy world though. He has not had to live with my kids and I. He has gotten to see a cheerful me most of the time when he is able to see me. So with the fact that he still wishes to try on a future for us when a divorce is final, well he may change his mind when reality is he is dating a woman with 3 young kids and baggage. He claims he wants to be here for me and my children and hates the way my husband neglects us.

    I don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice? My husband is not a compassionate person, he is tough, strong and to the point. I admire that in many ways, but in some ways he comes off as being “cold”. I will always love him as we have been through so much together the last 22 years.

    Please help!

  2. Stacy on December 14, 2012

    Thank you for your comment. Hopefully it will help people in similar situations not feel so alone.

    It would be best for Ron or someone from his firm to speak with you offline. You can contact Ousky Law Firm for a free consultation to make sure you fully understand all of your options and to help you achieve the best possible outcome for yourself and your three young children.

    The phone number for Ousky Law Firm is 952-806-9787. We wish you our best.